19-year-old college freshman faces pushback after declining to stay in family home because she doesn't want to share a room with her 15-year-old sister: 'She does not respect boundaries or personal space'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 8, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Every relationship needs clear boundaries, and this doesn't become any less necessary just because somebody happens to be related to you. Personal space and time alone are things that everybody needs varying degrees of, and it is important for them to be respected by those around them. 

When that doesn't happen, it is understandable that tension can occur. Living with somebody, especially a family member, can only make this issue worse, and many people struggle with having the space that they need when they grow up with siblings. 

While it is natural for younger brothers or sisters to look up to older ones, it is also vital that parents recognize that time apart can be just as important as time together. If this isn't respected, nobody can be surprised when arguments and resentment occur. There is a difference between a close sibling relationship and creating an uncomfortable environment for the child who doesn't feel like their needs are being met.

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  • One girl found herself struggling with this after not wanting to go back to her parents' house after she started college because of her sister. The pair had shared a room, and she had had difficulty dealing with her younger sibling's extreme clinginess because of it. 

    After moving out for school, she made an agreement with her grandparents that she would stay with them during the holidays. This upset her sister and parents, who felt like they were being rejected. She wanted to know if she was wrong to reject their invitations to share a room with her sister again.

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    S www 15
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not going to my parents' house overnight because I don't want to share a room with my sister again?

    I'm (19f) almost finished my freshman year of college. When I moved out in July I knew I didn't want to go home to live or even spend the night again. When I went home for Christmas I stayed with grandparents. When I visited for birthdays I stayed with my grandparents. This was talked about but I put my foot down and told my parents and sister (15) that it's how it would be. They didn't like it but I didn't give in. My grandparents have agreed to let me stay for the summer. My parents were upset
    via NoFish1808
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    The problem for me is it's not my old room. It was mine and my sister's room. We always shared and I hated it. My sister was never my favorite person but I was her almost always and she does not respect boundaries or personal space. She was a clinger and she made sharing with her miserable for me. She was climbing into my bed at night and I found out a few years ago that she'd spill stuff on her bed intentionally at times just to share with me, she was always trying to cuddle me without consent
    via NoFish1808
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    Even without the room she was clingy. She always wanted to spend time with me. She got jealous when I went out with friends. She tried to drag me along to hang outs with her friends. I couldn't do anything without her begging to tag along. There was never enough time dedicated to her. If we did something together she'd throw a fit when it ended and it was worse if I went to do something else with someone else. And she'd skip plans with her friends, even parties, if I had nothing on. That happene
    via NoFish1808
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    The truth is I finally feel like I can breathe. I don't miss my sister. I don't look back fondly on the years we shared a room. The reason I never go back to my parents is I'd be right back to sharing with her and I could never do it again. When I was visiting she was just as clingy and she gets angry when I don't text her and call her every day. I have tried to set boundaries before with my sister. I tried to bargain with her too. But she'd ignore my boundaries and ignore my bargains and she'd
    via NoFish1808
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    My sister's upset I'm not coming home to stay for the summer. She asked our grandparents if she could stay with them for the summer too and they told her they didn't have space. She said it was okay and we'd share their spare bedroom. But the answer was no. My parents told me I'm being childish and sharing is normal and I'm not okay if I don't miss it at all. They said everyone complains about sharing as kids but when they spread their wings they miss the comfort of it. And they said a good sibl
    via NoFish1808
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    via Andrej Lišakov

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Outsiders assured her that how she felt was understandable.

    CharmedInChaos NTA - You're setting healthy boundaries after years of having none respected, and it's completely valid not to want to return to an environment where your space and autonomy are disregarded. Wanting independence and peace doesn't make you a bad sibling.
    via CharmedInChaos
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    SoraLune NTA setting boundaries after years of being ignored is valid wanting space doesn't make you a bad sibling.
    via SoraLune
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    annebonnell NTA your sister needs therapy. Maybe you should suggest that to your parents
    via annebonnell
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    Misplac3dMuggl3 NTA. All your parents did was help breed resentment in the dynamic. I hope the summer with your grandparents is a nice breather for you.
    via Misplac3dMuggl3
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    hidethesunscreen NTA, but once summer break is over I would considering blocking your sister, at least for a while. Even with you moved out, she still has the expectation that she's owed all of your time and energy and gets mad when you don't want to talk/text every day. She really needs to learn that you are not her emotional support sister and you do not exist simply to please her, and the easiest way to get that across might be to just block her. She'll get mad and so will your parents, but i
    via hidethesunscreen
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    curious-691980 Your sister doesn't have a normal sibling relationship. She is acting like she is in a relationship with you not a sibling relationship
    via curious-691980
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    BisforBeard Sorry your parents are clueless of your feelings. Thank goodness your grandparents have your back.
    via BisforBeard
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    Fluffy_Ad4250 NTA - you need time on your own. Even when you find the person of your dreams and want to spend the rest of your life with them, they aren't in your pocket 24/7. Who wants to be with their sibling 24/7 no one. Enjoying their company when you are together that's different, but feeling like you can't go out with friends because your sister will get the hump that's not healthy. Having them spill on their bed so they have to sleep with you - I would have ended up sleeping on the couch.
    via Fluffy_Ad4250
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    Slightlysanemomof5 Is there any chance that your parents want you at home because otherwise your sister is clinging to them? That level of clinging is not common for a teen. My sibling lacked social skills to make or maintain own friendships so my parents forced me to take sibling with me everywhere. If sibling wasn't invited I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. To make it more interesting there was 3 1/2 year age difference which made a difference in maturity. Once I was out of the house at 18 I ne
    via Slightlysanemomof5
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    Salt-Finding9193 I think you should let your grandparents and extended family read your post. Your childhood was a suffocating existence. Your parents normalising your sister's behaviour is reprehensible. She obviously needs evaluating. They neglected your emotional needs to pander to your sister's obsessive and controlling behaviour. Your parents sk.
    via Salt-Finding9193
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    Kindly-Push-3460 NTA, at a certain age kids need their own space and your parents have not now or previously respected your wants, nor listened to your complaints. If they really want you t stay you need your own room with a lock so you have privacy/can keep sister out (sister can stay in their room or sister can stay with grandparents. Keep enforcing your boundaries.
    via Kindly-Push-3460
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    Bright_Sea_7567 No, a good sibling knows when to respect boundaries and personal space. NTA.
    via Bright_Sea_7567
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    wasting_time0909 I shared a room with my sister for...13ish years. I have no bad memories looking back...because none of what you're describing happened between us. We were also only 2yrs apart compared to 4yrs. That's a pretty big difference. Your parents are wrong. NTA
    via wasting_time0909
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    Extreme Jujoo Definitely NTA. It is unfair of your parents to allow for her to be cling on you like that, totally unhealthy, for the both of you. She needs help. Have the ever took her for any sort of counseling? Has she ever been diagnosed with anything? Her behavior is not normal especially for her age. And they need to respect your desire to be an adult and away from such an unhealthy relationship with your younger sister. Have a lovely stay this summer with your grandparents. Don't worry abo
    via ExtremeJujoo
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    FoxySlyOldStoatyFox I feel sorry for your sister. Your parents failed her. They also failed you. And, through your actions, you're ensuring that you don't fail you too. NTA
    via FoxySlyOldStoatyFox
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    Which_Bake_6093 I am concerned that your parents are comfortable with her climbing into bed with you. All the other GOOD reasons you have for not sharing room are almost minor by comparison. It may have been ok when you were children. Not ok now. Not something your parents should be so cavalier about. Just say no. Good for you.
    via Which_Bake_6093
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    Significant_Rule_855 NTA! Soooo NTA! I have a son and a daughter that are four years apart as well. They're still quite young but little miss is VERY clingy with her brother. We made a house rule that if they're in their bedrooms with the door closed it means the other cannot go in without knocking and getting permission. It's hard for her to understand sometimes, but he NEEDS his privacy and space. The ONLY exception to the rule is if my husband or I are in one of their rooms with them, because
    via Significant_Rule_855
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    I'm so sorry your parents didn't value your privacy and space. It needs to be respected right from the beginning so kids can understand it. 4 years is a significant difference between children. You never should've been forced to be with her all the time. One of my favourite moments with my two is one day he locked himself in his room to get some space. He was 6.5 and she was 2.5 and he just needed space. But she was crying and yelling down the hallway "Do you still love me? But do you still love
    via Significant_Rule_855

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